How Does One Express Herself?

I’ve always had trouble expressing myself. I don’t really know why, I just do. I tend to keep my thoughts to myself and not act upon anything.

Don’t get me wrong, I would sometimes share my opinions or do something about a situation but only when I am sure that I will get a positive reaction out of someone. If not, I would just stay silent instead of contributing to the conversation.

The weird thing is that even if I do have good intentions like carrying a heavy bag for an old lady or letting other people sit in public transportation for some reason I would get… embarrassed or shy? I don’t really know why. Because of this, I would avoid helping altogether.

Of course I know that they would most likely appreciate the kind gesture but somehow I would imagine them shunning me away since I am a stranger after all. I want to help, I really do but I don’t want to involve myself in other people’s business if they don’t want me to.

I have helped other people before but only those times when I acted without thinking much about it and I would feel pretty good about it afterward. Even then, I would still think too much into such things as soon as a similar situation arises.

There were also times when I can sense that my friends or family members are going through something. I knew that they wanted to talk about such things or that they needed comfort, and I did want to show them that I cared. But for some reason, I just couldn’t show express my concern. I would just pretend that I didn’t notice it instead.

There are even times when my friends or family ask me if I want something or if I wanted to do something. Even if I do, I would say that I didn’t know and let them decide. Then, I’d just learn to accept what they have decided for me.

I honestly don’t know why I do this. Maybe it’s because I have gotten used to letting people decide for me and keeping to myself. But now that I am in my first few phases of adulthood, I still couldn’t quite comprehend the idea that it is completely up to me to decide for myself and be my own person.

Don’t worry, I am actively trying to work on this. It really isn’t as bad as I probably made it seem. I have expressed myself lots of times. I guess I’m just not as consistent as I should be.. yet.

I’m trying to work on my decision-making skills in the small-scale first, like immediately choosing where and what to eat. I sometimes volunteer to drive too because I’ve been wanting to learn and to not be as afraid as the last time. When my family are talking about politics, I would express my opinion on the latest news too, and sometimes admit that I don’t have enough knowledge on some topics and ask about it.

I know this all may seem typical but it’s actually helping me a lot. Though I’ll have to admit, I still need a lot of work.

Anyway, thanks for reading! Have you had any similar experiences like this? Do you have any advice for me? It would be nice to know.

4 thoughts on “How Does One Express Herself?”

  1. Just know that when you’re helping someone, there’s nothing you need to be embarrassed or shy of because you’re helping a being and who knows? There might be a huge impact. I’m glad you wrote ‘yet’ because then that’s a sign you’ll really improve on this. It’s all okay, Fennie! Is this advice? I’m not that much of a Dumbledore but I wrote what I could! x

    Liked by 2 people

  2. This is pretty much a natural thing. Nothing to be afraid and shy of. There are instances when we feel reluctant to help others, i would say go with the flow and trust your inner instinct. If you are not feeling like helping let it go, don’t at all think of it. But try to help as many when you feel like, that will give you a sense of positive energy. Take this as an idea and not as an advice. 😊

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Hi. I like what you wrote. I felt like you were describing the me from a long, long time ago. Although, I can still find myself not helping out or participating in conversation, instead letting someone else jump up to help or talk on and on. I’m not sure if it has to do more with low self-esteem, shyness, being neutral or observant…or more with just depending on mood. Some days I’m more inclined to be more vocal or more helpful and other times not. Maybe we just overthink things. I’m very guilty of that, lol. Maybe it has to do with expectation. Being the oldest sibling in my family, I was always expected to set a good example. I felt all eyes were on me. When will she mess up? It took many years to grow out of that feeling and into realizing that I could make my own choices and be my own person without anyone having the right to tell me I was making a wrong choice. They could tell me, but I could choose to ignore them. It was freeing. Like you, I am still working things out. But, I am bolder today than I’ve ever been without being what I think is too brassy. And, I’m still shy a lot and tend to let others have the limelight if they want it. I think that we’re all unique individuals, ever-growing in wisdom, insight, intuitiveness, and deep reflection…and that many of us too hard on ourselves. Thank you for sharing what you wrote, Fen, about what were thinking. It’s nice to know I’m not the only one….


  4. Don’t hesitate to help, if they reject your help at least you tried. I’ve been rejected many times on helping during many bus rides, I’ve got the habit of letting people take my seat since I don’t mind standing up but surprisingly not a lot of people take it, especially when it’s guys, maybe it’s an ego thing lol.

    Anyways, I relate with the contributing to conversation, I’m an introvert. But for me it’s a choice of not speaking up at all, since I’m a very unbothered person 😅. Unless, I’m being asked or I’m really affected by the topic that’s where I’ll speak up. I’m also indecisive, I understand how you got used to other people deciding for you, I was like that too and wishing that they still make decisions for me but I guess part of adulting is deciding for ourselves which is liberating but at the same time sucks. 😅 You’ll find your own way of expressing yourself along the way, we’re all still growing. 😊

    Liked by 1 person

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