When I was young, I’ve always thought being in your 20s would be the time when you start to get everything in life figured out. I thought it was understanding who you are, what you want and doing what you’ve always dreamed of.
Needless to say, I thought wrong. Now that I’m in my early 20s, I’ve never been this lost before, and I would like to believe that it’s the same for everyone else.
It’s such a weird and competitive time. You get to see a glimpse of what the world really is. And without warning, you’re just left to process and to fend for yourself. It’s like a race on who gets to understand and ride the waves of life first while trying not to get washed up the longest.
It’s easy to say and tell yourself and your peers to “take your time” or to “go at it at your own pace”. But the truth is, there will always be this underlying pressure of getting the job first or starting your own relationship, especially if you see your peers giving recognition to those who do. It just sucks, the feeling of being left behind.
When I was young, I’ve always hated it when someone told me what to do and how to do it. I’ve always wanted to feel in control and be fully independent. But now that I am, completely in charge of my own life, who knew that it would be such a burden to give your life its own purpose.
I think I’m finally understanding how dreadful the thought of responsibility is. I think it’s simply because you are the only person who can decide and pull yourself out of the situation that you are in. There is no one else to blame but yourself and that can be a scary thing.
It is solely up to you to really shape your own future, all the while constantly battling the temptations of doing nothing but watching mind-numbing shows or activities. It is like being trapped in a constant loop of despair by your own doing.
It’s always easy to put off important things for the next day but next thing you’ll know, months have passed and you’re still in the exact same situation that you were before.
This is another thing I’ve realized, the terrifying and paralyzing inevitability of choice.
The only way to pull yourself out of the loop is deciding to get out of it. However, as easy as it may sound, how do you make a choice out of hundreds of options when there there is still a large chance of making a mistake.
I think people my age fail to make a choice not because of not knowing what they want but rather, it’s about not being sure whether they are ready to face the hardships of pursuing what they really desire.
Even though making mistakes is just another part of life, there is still an instilled fear of failure. Whether we admit it or not, inaction is always the easiest and most convenient thing to do.
There will be times where we want something that we think we can’t have. This is because it is easier to make excuses rather than pursuing something you want simply because you don’t have to face the probability of failure. Being in the realm of possibilities seems to be better than fully knowing that something you’ve always dreamt of is simply not for you.
The truth is, inaction is despair in the image of simple pleasures. I have come to realize this the way. Either way, it is a trap you have boxed yourself in. Sure, it’s comfortable and it’s safe. But no matter how you look at it, it’s still a box.
Honestly, I don’t really have the best advice to give because I’m in this same exact position. However, I think I finally understand the idea that if you really want something the only thing to do it is to face it head on.
Rather than overthinking every possible scenario of failure, maybe it’s okay to just go for it eyes closed and see where it takes you. It’s scary and it may seem to go on forever but I guess the best thing to do is to gather the courage and to take a leap of faith. After all, this is only the beginning.
Have you ever felt this, my dear readers? How did you handle it? An advice from you would be nice.