Losing Faith

When I was younger I had such strong faith in my beliefs. I grew up Christian and I went to a Catholic school throughout my entire education. I went to church every Sunday and I made sure to pray just how it was taught to me.

I don’t know what went wrong but for some reason I find myself losing faith in God.

I was so confident in my relationship with God. Whenever I prayed I genuinely believed that he would grant such wishes to me, and most of them did. While some didn’t work out the way I expected it to be, I knew in my heart that it led me to a better path.

But now, I don’t see much power in prayer anymore. It started when I stopped going to church for awhile because I was so busy with school but I still kept praying fervently. Eventually, I started seeing prayer as a chore and I began to do it half-heartedly.

I don’t necessarily reject the existence of God. I know He’s there but I just feel so disconnected towards Him. I feel like he stopped listening to me and it left me discouraged. But then again, I stopped listening to Him first.

I am perfectly aware of my own faults. Of course, I want to be reconnected with Him again but I don’t know how. Seeds of doubt have started to grow within me and I can’t seem to pluck them out of its hidden roots.

Things are even getting worse with the Covid-19 situation and my long-time unemployment, I just feel like i’m slowly losing hope.

My aunt keeps asking me to pray the rosary with her every night and I can’t help but feeling annoyed. I didn’t use to be like this. I think it stems from the growing pessimistic belief within me asking “what’s the point? It’s not like it’s going to happen anyway.” I end up praying with such a bad attitude because I feel like it is forced upon me to do so, and it frustrates me because I know that I cannot mend my relationship with God in this way.

I swear that I don’t want to think and feel this way. I just do. I still pray by myself every night but I sometimes feel like I do it out of habit.

I want to pray earnestly and with all my heart like I used to. I miss believing in God’s decision for me and being confident in whatever happens because I know that He is there for me. I want to go back to the times where I was spiritually strong and I felt like I could conquer whatever it was right in front of me with God by my side.

I don’t know how to get back to it. I lost my touch.

I tried reading this book about strengthening my spirituality and I confided to my Christian friend about faith but so far all that I’ve read and heard seems like.. bullshit, frankly.

I don’t know if this has something to do with being influenced by people I met in in university with different religions and beliefs; if it’s because I haven’t went to church for a long time, or just that I simply stopped caring. I just feel so lost.

Is there still a way for a hopeless person to learn about faith? How does one do that without any substantial proof/reason?

(Post written last August 2, 2020)

11 thoughts on “Losing Faith”

  1. Thank you for sharing your heart, I think hopeless people are in a good position to learn about faith. Especially if we are willing to just talk to God….not in a fancy, theological way. But honestly, with any pain, frustration, disappointment, anger, loneliness and confusion or whatever else needs saying. (The people in the Bible did that a lot – Psalms is full of it!)

    Liked by 1 person

  2. It’s been my experience that faith, like almost everything in life, waxes and wanes.
    I don’t think you can force it, or reason with it. My suggestion, at least for now, would be to pursue the more secular forms of spirituality. Maybe try meditation; just still your mind, and see what happens.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for sharing! I’ve been praying consistently recently and I’m slowly regaining back my faith. I’ll try my best to keep at it. I hope you do too. Thanks again!

      Like

  3. This is something so many people go through, including myself. And I don’t think there’s any one particular reason you’re experiencing this but rather a bunch of factors contributing to it. I’d say set a goal to bring God back into your life and set smaller goals to help you do that (go to church, routine for reading the Bible, pray x times a day/week). And really spend time like reflecting and thinking about your relationship with Him and open up your heart to Him. As Christians we are made whole in God. And sometimes what we want isn’t what we need. Only God’s will for our lives can bring true joy. Remember that when a prayer goes unanswered. Sometimes things simply aren’t meant to be because better things are in store. Praying for your peace and your spiritual journey and sending you love and support. ❤️

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you so much for your advice and your kind words, Jess! I find myself praying the rosary and the novena recently. I think I’m slowly making progress in mending my relationship with God. It’s a difficult process but I will get there soon. Thank you for the well wishes!

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I feel the same way. I went to church often and also went to a Catholic school and was even singing in a Catholic choir. I used to believe more in God and have faith but now I don’t. It’s just too much what’s happening in the world. Maybe our answers are in our heart and prayers are enough

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I feel sorry for what you have been through that it affected your faith with God. And I think that’s understandable especially when you cannot longer hold the weight of problems and sickness brought by Covid-19. But I just want to share what I learned this week about the reality of sickness and why does God allow it. And I hope this may help you in any way. Sickness, like this Covid-19 makes us realize that life is short; that we should live the life the best we can. It also makes us trust God more that He is in control. He sees what’s happening. It also makes us realize that we need a Savior. God does not save us only from our physical sickness but also in our spiritual sickness, from our sin. And it also makes us long for eternity. May I encourage you that in the life to come, there will be no sickness and pain. God will wipe away our tears. Don’t lose hope kapatid, have faith. And in the eyes of faith we will see that God is working. Just believe. God bless you! Update mo kami on any improvements. We’re here for you! Sorry napahaba haha

    Liked by 2 people

  6. I grew up in the church as well. I stopped going because I don’t believe scaring ppl into religion is the best way to connect with God. Instead, I bought other readings. Ive read the Gnostic Gospels a few times, I study from a book club “All-In-One Bible Reference Guide” on topics I feel I need for the day…and I honestly feel closer to God than I ever have. I’m not sure if it will help or not, but it helped me and is an option 💕

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.