Have you ever had a friend whom you’ve had a great relationship with until it wasn’t anymore? I think I just experienced my first “falling out” with a friend who used to be very dear to me.
This wasn’t like the kind of experience when you were young and you just stopped being friends with someone for no particular reason, but it’s okay since there wasn’t necessarily that much depth in your relationship.
But this one.. this one was different, for me at least. This was a person who I met now that I am older and have put great value on friendships. This was a person whom I bore my heart and soul to, whom I met up late at night just to talk freely about anything that passed by our thoughts, and this was a person whom I experienced great struggle with.
I have always took pride in keeping myself to a tight knit group of friends whom I trust and whom I am completely comfortable with. I only choose to be friends with people who I can see myself being with for a long time.
And for most of my life, I have been right with the people I let in. At the time, that person was the right one too but I guess people change and then they grow apart.
For months, I had a difficult time accepting this. I kept thinking about how and where things went wrong. In my head, I kept blaming that person for a lot of things that happened.
Still, I’d keep convincing myself that I should learn to forgive and forget because I owe it to our friendship, history and all of the people who will be affected by this, to keep trying and to get things back to the way it was.
It even got to a point that being with this person didn’t make me feel good about myself anymore. It only got worse every time we were together. I’d always end up feeling bad about burying the situation when I wasn’t completely okay with it and acting as if I was.
After months of space and no contact, I finally reached the realization that i’m better off not interacting with that person anymore. Now looking at the situation with no ill feelings, I can see that we’ve simply just grew apart.
I became more sensitive while that person remained to be satirical. We’ve grown to have different beliefs, views, humor and attitude, and I have come to accept the fact that it’s okay.
It was hard to let go of a person who was very dear to me. But the fact is, being friends with someone shouldn’t be constant struggle because friends should be there to help and support you.
I don’t think there will be an appropriate advice to let go of someone you love. I think it will all depend on you, on when you’ll be able to accept that this person isn’t helping you grow anymore and finally deciding to prioritize yourself and your own growth.
Who knows? Maybe years from now, we’ll meet again and be in the same wavelength like the way we used to. But for now, I think growing apart is the best option for the both of us, and it’s not necessarily a bad thing.