The past few weeks have been crazy and it still is to this day. It felt like the world and the people in it is in self-destruction. Everything I see and hear has been nothing but negativity that it made me even question the thought of hope.
I was in a downward spiral. A lot of negative thoughts that I have tucked away in the corners of my brain have resurfaced, and I just did not know what to do. To say that I was overwhelmed was an understatement.
Still, with everything going on internally I kept pushing myself to write and post here in my blog because writing here is what kept me going, it made me feel like I have a purpose and if I stopped doing it, what else is there for me?
I tried to force myself to write because isn’t that what writers do? They write no matter what. If I don’t write, then i’m not a writer. To some extent, it is true what they say but it can leave an over-thinker like me with as such a toxic mindset.
Still, I couldn’t bring myself to write because how can I write an article about advice when I can’t even be swayed by my own words. What right do I have to write such advices when I can’t even get myself straight? I was in such a contradiction.
The more my stats grew the more I kept pressuring myself to keep on going. I figured that I just had to achieve much more number than these in the next month or week. For a moment, I got to see a glimpse of my previous relationship with writing which was basically me constantly forcing myself to write to the point that I hated even the thought of it.
But this blog isn’t like how my writing was before. It should be a safe space for me to write my own thoughts, get it out of my head and to reflect on different perspectives. It should be about writing from my own experiences and the wisdom I gathered from it, and I have been doing that.
I guess I just got too much into my head again. I forgot that I don’t have to have my shit together all the time. I’m only human after all. I go through things too.
This blog will always be first and foremost, a self-reminder for myself, and then my audience. It will remain a safe space for me even from my own self-pressuring ways, and even if it means that I have to break the streak to give myself some space.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s true that consistency in writing is important. You need consistency to build an audience and to grow your blog but for me, one thing more important than that is a writer’s reason for writing.
I guess an advice that I would want to impart to people who have the same troubles is just write at your own pace and write what you love.
You should first and foremost write for yourself, the same way you do everything else that you love, because that is the only way you’ll continue to love what you do.
In the grand scheme of things, it won’t really matter if you didn’t post on a certain days for using your time for something more important. What will count is what you felt about what writing or any other activity that you love.