Have you ever experienced just minding your own business and then suddenly a repressed memory has resurfaced from the dark depths of your memory that’s so cringy it literally makes you slap yourself or spasm out of control? I know I have.
For some reason my mind just decided to replay scenes from my embarrassing moments and failures just to remind me of how much of a joke I am. I don’t know about you but I always get cringe attacks a number of times almost every single day.
It even got to a point where I literally yelp out loud from cringing about my clumsiness in certain conversations that probably wasn’t that even big deal but I made it into one. I’d blame it all to my inherent awkwardness and punish myself for it.
As I go along with my Self-Love Project, I’ve been having a surge of cringe attacks which, now that I think about it, was probably my brain’s way to negate the awesomeness that I actually am since i’m just so used to putting myself down.
I’ve been dealing with this for a long time now, and this period of quarantine really made me confront these embarrassing memories. Despite feeling the ultimate desire to bury myself alive, I did come to the conclusion that these cringe attacks could be a major contributor to my low self-esteem.
So as an attempt to resolve this longtime issue of mine, I asked myself. Why was I so ashamed and embarrassed by this? Why did it make me feel the way it did? Why am I feeling the same emotions as I recall it?
After pondering on these issues, I realized that most of these embarrassing scenarios comes from the fear of being judged by others which is absolutely ridiculous because I have no way of really knowing their thoughts.
It was mostly my negative thinking and habit of expecting the worse from myself and everyone else’s reaction that has ruined my perspective on such experiences. So I just had to dig through my thoughts some more, what could I have done to make things better?
Well, I was suddenly reminded of this funny and confident friend of mine (you know, THAT friend who we all seem to have), who said something so embarrassing that I knew if I was the one who said it, the ground would’ve eaten me right there and then. However, what my friend did was revolutionary. She laughed with the crowd and moved on, just like that.
She doesn’t know this, but what she did in that situation was eye opening for me to the point where I still think about it to this day. It goes to show how every embarrassing situation doesn’t have to be the end of the world, it’s a matter of handling yourself and not taking everything so seriously.
Now, whenever I encounter another cringe attack, instead slapping myself or whispering how much I want to die with that memory, I catch myself and verbally tell myself that everything is okay and it’s all in the past. What matters is how i’m currently in a safe and comfortable place.
Besides, I am not the same person from that embarrassing memory I’ve had 2 years ago and I’ve grown a lot since then. People are all too busy with their lives for them to remember and judge me from that one incident, and if they do, that says a lot about them doesn’t it?
I’ve read somewhere that it could be helpful to make a habit of verbally apologizing to yourself whenever you say something bad or mean towards yourself because it frees you from being held back by your own judgements.
I see how important it is to be nicer to yourself now because by doing that you put value and understanding on your own thoughts and emotions the same way you’d do for others.
If you can be nice to people who you care about, you are even more capable of being nice to yourself because nobody can treat you better than the way you can treat yourself. After all, only we know what we feel and what we can do to make ourselves feel and be better.
How about you, Reader? Do you also experience cringe attacks? How do you deal with it? Don’t get me wrong, I still get them but I’m better at handling them better now. Any more tips in mind? Let’s help each other out!