What Love Is

I have always been scared of love. The thought of loving someone so deeply and have it not be reciprocated the same way is terrifying, that’s why I built this wall around me. I didn’t want to love someone more than what they could give me because I felt like I was losing. After all, didn’t they say that love is a game?

I have this dear friend who I never understood until today. He’s the type of person who loved everyone fiercely and deeply even if they didn’t deserve it. And because of this, he got disappointed and heart broken plenty of times, even by me on some occasions, but he’d always had the heart to forgive no matter what people did to him. Admittedly, I kind of hated this trait of his until I realized that it’s because we’re alike in some ways.

As our relationship grew, Our friendship dynamic would be him always ending up hurt and I getting mad that he got himself hurt for giving awful people second chances. I remember angrily asking him why he kept doing it and he’d respond with “I can’t help it. I just have a lot of love in me that I give to people”. And as much as I loved him, I’ve always thought that it was a stupid thing to do.

However, There was also a time when I got myself hurt and disappointed by somebody. My friend being the expert in this kind of situation, I decided to confide in him and what he told me as an attempt to comfort me was this,

“I just learned to accept that I will always love people more than they love me and that’s okay.”

I remember thinking how sad and unfortunate that must be and how I never wanted to be like that ever. From then on, I decided to not love someone who doesn’t love me, as if I had a choice in the matter.

Recently, I’ve come to live with my father due to difficult circumstances. The relationship that I have with him is a complicated one. To put it simply, he never assumed the responsibility of a father, only its title. I knew that living with him was a bad idea since it wasn’t the first time that I got disappointed by him yet I still gave it a shot. Despite my brother’s warnings and my aunt’s worries, I still decided to go.

Why? Well he’s my dad after all.. right? There must’ve been a part of him that wanted to care for me or wanted me around. I must find out for myself.

I was wrong. I knew I was going to be disappointed but I went and gave him a chance anyway. I gave my father a chance he didn’t deserve, a chance he didn’t earn but I still gave it to him because I love him. I have never felt so stupid, enraged and regretful in my entire life. I was angry at myself for doing something that I got mad at my friend for doing. I didn’t understand what made me give him another chance. Everything was a big W-H-Y?!

After pondering on this for quite some time, I think I’m starting to understand more of what love is. Loving someone isn’t something that you choose to do, you just do. You love them despite of what they were and what they are, and you love them more for what they can be. After all, we are only imperfect people. And when you love someone, It is only natural to hope for them and expect the best from them because that’s just what love is.

Eventually, I have learned to forgive myself for “being stupid” enough for giving my dad a chance because why should I be sorry for loving someone? It just didn’t seem right, especially when love is something that we all live for. And that’s when I decided that loving someone isn’t a bad thing at all, whether I loved them more or not.

Sure, it can be sad and unfortunate but it takes a lot of strength, courage and maturity to love someone fiercely despite the odds. Even if I didn’t get it back the same way that I gave it or even if I didn’t get anything in return, I am glad that I did it.

I did what I can do as a person, and that is to share the love that I can give. And now that I know that it’s the other person’s choice on what they’re going to do with the love and the chances that they get. Whatever they choose to do with it, it’s not on me, it’s on them.

I think I understand my friend a little better now, and i’m so lucky to have a kind hearted person like him.


Hi! I just want to share that the photo featured in this post is of my friend and I. He is the kind-hearted person that taught me a lot of things throughout our friendship. I hope you all have a great friend like him as well. Here are more pictures of us: We’re cute, I know. haha

How about you guys? What have learned from your friends? or What have you learned about love recently? I would love to hear from you.

Sincerely,
Fenichi

11 thoughts on “What Love Is”

  1. I have a best friend who is always like that. She loves me more than I love her. I know that. I’ve hurt her a lot of times yet she always forgives me. I actually thought I don’t deserve her, but she never given up on me until the time I became mature. ☺️

    Like

  2. He, he, you guys look so cute and beautiful!
    It’s so nice to have such best friends with whom to share the emotions, the good and the bad moments of life. I did found certain best friends in this life and they were there for a short period of time, while God allowed that to be, passengers through this life.

    Take care of you and your friend and please, make sure you stay protected during this harsh period.
    πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you! πŸ’– I hope you’ll find someone who connects with you and will be there for you for a long time. I guess i’m just lucky to find mine at at earlier time 😊. Please keep safe and healthy as well

      Like

  3. Girl, I know how you feel. I have a tumultuous relationship with my dad too. I’ve heard of this saying that goes like this, β€œyou like because, you love despite”. It means it’s easy to like someone because they are good toward you but love is hard. When you love someone, you gotta love them despite their flaws. For me, I think it’s ok to be picky in love.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. oh wow. that saying makes a lot of sense! Love is definitely harder since it means being emotionally invested on a person rather than like which is only the surface level of a relationship. But anyway, thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts! πŸ’—

      Liked by 1 person

    1. I think this is one of the posts that I am most vulnerable in. I’m so glad that my writing was able to resonate with you. Your kind words mean a lot to me. Thank you so much! 😦 ❀

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.