I’ve always though that i’m good at choosing people to be friends with. I’m blessed to be surrounded by genuine people who honestly supports me in everything that I do. I don’t particularly have a lot of friends but I do like to be kept in a small circle where I can trust everyone.
Some people might think that it’s “lonely” or that I should open up my shell a bit more and I admit that sometimes I do think that way. But when you look at the bigger picture, what I have now is still better than being surrounded by a room full of strangers.
There will always be a pros and cons to everything. Just like when you accept a job and you’ve spent a lot of time and effort into it, chances are doors of opportunities will close and won’t be able to wait for you, such is life. Even when it comes to relationships with people, sometimes you invest all of your time and energy into one person, chances are there won’t be enough space for other relationships. There must always be a balance, and maybe that’s where my mistake lies.
If a friend is in need, I always do my best to be there for them especially when they’re on a depressive spiral. The thing is, it’s always difficult to understand the dilemma when it’s always being lashed out on you or other people. Regardless, I’ve always stayed even when it came to a point that I was the last man standing. I’m not one to give up on the people that I love as much as I want to do it.
I don’t want to think of it as giving up, I think of it as tired. I’m tired. It is not easy to clean up after, or stopping myself from my growing as a person just so you wouldn’t feel insecure, or juggle my anxiety with your feelings as well. It’s hard to love a friend so deeply but think of them as a burden at the same time. But do you know why I haven’t given up on you yet? Because I believe in you, even when you don’t. I see the potential and passion in you that you keep on disregarding. I know you can do it, you just need a push in the right direction. It just to happens that I need or we need time for ourselves at the moment and maybe soon we’ll be able to face each other with comfort.