You know, being on a bus for a 13 hour trip with no wifi connection always makes me think of a lot of things, emotional things to be exact. Especially this time where I just left home for college yet again which is kind of a big deal (well, to me at least) since I don’t think I won’t be travelling to college next year anymore.
Travelling away from home has always been one of the hardest things about my college experience. Being away from my family makes me feel so lonely and I especially hate the feeling when smiling at them as I head to the bus pretending that i’m going to be okay to stop them from worrying but deep inside my heart is aching from the thought that i’m going to miss them so much. Sure, I’ve gotten used to it by now but it doesn’t make the sadness any less painful. Little do they know that I silently cry at the bus every time, just like right now. Still, I’ve always been grateful for having the opportunity to study at an amazing school. Even though I know that deep down, it meant going out to the world alone to pursue success at the expense of being with the people I love. I’ve been thinking hard about that lately.
I’ve never took for granted studying at my university. Ever since I was a freshman and even now, I always think to myself how beautiful the campus is and how much opportunity it gave me that I could never get in the province. I mean, aside from the problematic system it runs. Looking back, I remember promising to myself to break out of my shell and to explore who I am and what I can do as a person. And now, I can say that it was one heck of a journey! Breaking through a shell with so many thick layers has been tough and I still have a year left to let myself out there. Who knew i’d be able to produce this much progress considering all that self-doubt? I’m proud of myself.
I’m slowly getting to know myself bit by bit and realizing my love for performing. Watching introverted idols being sucessful in their own career inspires me.
It’s weird thinking about me writing an entry a year from now about finally graduating. I wonder what crazy memories I will make this year. I’ll try to make them count.
Here’s to one last year of sadness, frustration, anxiety, thrill, happiness and excitement!