Let ME Be

One of the most frustrating things about myself is my lack of commitment

An example would be on how I do things half heartedly

I continuously search for the words in this little vocabulary of mine

Consistently trying to describe what it feels like

to be someone or rather something like me

Two sides of the same coin

Tossed in the air then flipped back in the arm trying to make a choice

So who’s gonna be it this time?

You or me?

I have always been an indecisive person

Unconciously worrying about the time coming as fast as how someone could blink

Where as soon as I open my eyes

I’ll be faced with the vision of myself

Standing in front of a large crowd,

Them waiting for my answer

And me, waiting for myself to arrive with the answer

With sweat dripping down my spine and my heart stopping

As soon as I knew how all I have again is a question,

When will I be able to choose myself this time?

Of course it’s you, like how it has always been

Because I have become you

Created, sculpted into your image

trying my best to not fall apart from the creaks and cracks,

Contorting myself just to fit into your categories

Sleeping more than 10 hours at night hoping to grow tall enough to reach your standards

And yet after earning myself the label I desperately wanted

I still have these nightmares of falling down a dark abyss

Sharp eyes watching me scream

But I remain as it is, looking for a way out

Maybe the thing that I lost wasn’t the words, but what if it was me?

It’s interesting isn’t it?

How ‘what ifs’ brought me to stand in front of all of you expecting an answer

Yet all I have again is a question for myself

In hopes of finally being able to answer yours

It was because of the possibility,

The reason why I was able to face all of you.

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