One of the most frustrating things about myself is my lack of commitment
An example would be on how I do things half heartedly
I continuously search for the words in this little vocabulary of mine
Consistently trying to describe what it feels like
to be someone or rather something like me
Two sides of the same coin
Tossed in the air then flipped back in the arm trying to make a choice
So who’s gonna be it this time?
You or me?
I have always been an indecisive person
Unconciously worrying about the time coming as fast as how someone could blink
Where as soon as I open my eyes
I’ll be faced with the vision of myself
Standing in front of a large crowd,
Them waiting for my answer
And me, waiting for myself to arrive with the answer
With sweat dripping down my spine and my heart stopping
As soon as I knew how all I have again is a question,
When will I be able to choose myself this time?
Of course it’s you, like how it has always been
Because I have become you
Created, sculpted into your image
trying my best to not fall apart from the creaks and cracks,
Contorting myself just to fit into your categories
Sleeping more than 10 hours at night hoping to grow tall enough to reach your standards
And yet after earning myself the label I desperately wanted
I still have these nightmares of falling down a dark abyss
Sharp eyes watching me scream
But I remain as it is, looking for a way out
Maybe the thing that I lost wasn’t the words, but what if it was me?
It’s interesting isn’t it?
How ‘what ifs’ brought me to stand in front of all of you expecting an answer
Yet all I have again is a question for myself
In hopes of finally being able to answer yours
It was because of the possibility,
The reason why I was able to face all of you.