I’m Sorry

I never understood the concept of not being “meant to be”, until today that is. The most unexpected part of it all is how I figured it out not through a romantic relationship, but by my own realizations in this type of friendship I had. Who would’ve thought that there would be people that you’re just not meant to be friends with?

Things went downhill not because my friens was someone bad, it was because he was a good person. Too good. Stupid enough to think that the world could be as kind as he is, and that irked me. I knew that life wasn’t like that, like what he fantasized it to be, and that was probably the issue.

We’ve always thought about things differently. He, idealistically and I, realistically. We were the exact opposite of each other. People may say that opposites attract, and they do. Just not for a long time, in this context. We might’ve gotten through life with each other and found ourselves our own safe bubble for a while but I guess somewhere along the journey, we started to outgrow it. The next thing I know, we’re trying our hardest to escape each other’s ties. And that’s the saddest thing.

He was never perfect but he thought that I was, at first. Time passed and we realized that we just can’t be the people that we want each other to be. I was never “understanding” and he was never “mature and responsible”. We became too different. Our arguments became endless and no one was willing to compromise. The constant banter was the only thing that kept us together but at the same time, it was the thing that slowly destroyed what we had left. We never meant for things to go this way. Didn’t we?

Today, the day came where one of us stopped bothering to fight back. Since when did we let our arguments get the best of us? How did we get to a point where we hated each other?

This was the first time that I felt like a balloon inflated inside my lungs but instead of air, it was crowded with anger, frustration.. and despair. It felt heavy.

So that’s it then?

After all the good times and the bad, will this be the argument that will make us let go of each other? Maybe that is the right thing to do, but you know that i’m too selfish for that.

People may think that i’m better off without you, even they have me convinced at times, but what they don’t know is that i’ll always be the one needing you more even though you’re such a big pain in the ass. I wish you knew that. But then again, you already know that i’m never good at telling people what I really feel.

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